Feeding a Healthy Family: An Ellyn Satter Approach

I was recently consulting with colleagues and two of my Registered Dietitian colleagues introduced me to Ellyn Satter and her approaches to eating and feeding. This is the benefit of having a treatment team of different professionals because we can fill in the gaps for each other! Anyway, learning about Ellyn Satter and these approaches was very helpful for me, not only as a professional but also as a mother. Her approach helps to answer the question: How do I feed my child in healthy ways?!

In order to answer this question, we must first learn about Satter’s “Division of Responsibility in Feeding.” In this model, Satter describes what is the parents’ responsibility and what is the child’s responsibility when it comes to feeding.

Parents’ Responsibility: What, When, and Where

• Choose and prepare the food
• Provide regular meals and snacks
• Make eating times pleasant
• Show children by example how to behave at mealtime
• Be considerate of children’s lack of food experience without catering to likes and dislikes.
• Not let children have food or beverages (except water) between set meal and snack times
• Let children grow up to get bodies that are right for them

Children’s Responsibility: How Much and Whether

• Children will eat
• Eat the amount of food that they need
• Learn to eat the food their parents eat
• Grow predictably
• Learn to behave well at mealtime

Here is a brief overview of Satter’s approach to feeding children in different age groups. In her website, Satter lists various “child feeding ages and stages.” In this article, I will only focus these age groups:

• Ages 3-6 years:

  • Schedule 3 meals and snacks at set times, each day. Try to avoid unstructured snacking or grazing.
  • Avoid eating or drinking in between these set times (with the exception of water).
  • Sit down with your child and eat together. Enjoy each other’s company!
  • Offer meals that are well balanced and considerate of what your child likes to eat. It is important that you are considerate of your child’s food preferences without catering to your child. This means that you would include foods that you know your child likes and also foods that are a bit newer for them. If they watch you eat it, they may be more likely to eat it later at another meal time!
    • An example: If you serve chicken nuggets, applesauce, and peas for lunch and your child only eats the applesauce, there is no need to give them a separate food because they only ate the applesauce. (This is a real example of how my toddler eats sometimes!)
  • Let your child serve themself and eat in their own way!
  • Let your child have more of any food (except dessert), even if there is other food still left on the plate.
  • Excuse your child when they are done eating.

• Ages 6-12 years:

  • For a school-aged child, you would still follow the guidelines listed above! At this stage, you would begin to teach your child how to take a bit more control of how to prepare their own snacks.
  • Create a structure around snack times and teach your child strategies for putting enjoyable and satisfying snacks together.
  • Snacks can happen right after school but Satter encourages avoidance of multi-tasking when eating (e.g., watching TV, doing homework, etc.). Snacks should continue to happen at the table.
    When your child is able to follow these guidelines, let them choose their own snack foods! Regardless of what that food is!

• Ages 12-17 years:

  • For adolescents, the guidelines above continue to apply. If your teen can feed themself in this way, you will be able to know when to give them more control and leadership over their own feeding. Of course, please continue to guide them in any area where they still need the support!
  • Expect your child to manage their schedule and snacking so they can arrive at family meals on time and hungry.
  • Teach them to take responsibility for eating 3 meals per day and snacking after school.
  • Let them decide what and how to eat when outside of the home.
  • Work together to manage food when the need arises. Discuss food-management skills such as meal planning, food preparation, shopping, storage, sanitation, etc.

If you are reading any of these recommendations by Satter but experiencing doubt, worry, or frustration with any of these guidelines, I encourage you to explore your own attitudes about food and where these might come from! I invite you to get curious about these hesitations and think back to where these attitudes/beliefs/fears came from and how they are serving you in the present. Do your previously held attitudes leave you feeling anxious about specific foods? Are you afraid that if you let your child eat certain foods, they will not be able to stop? Are you worried that if you let your child take more control of what they eat, they will be unhealthy? Over-weight? Underweight?

These are all absolutely valid fears! You may have seen some of these fears come to reality in your own life. When a person experiences fear, anxiety, or any other type of emotional distress that is triggered by food, it may be a signal that there are some harmful messages about food that contribute to this. I recommend that you begin to explore and resolve these conflicts with a therapist and/or registered dietitian. Working through these beliefs will help to improve your relationship with food and eating behaviors, help you feel confident and calm about feeding your children, and help them to also become confident eaters!

*If you would like more guidance on how to feed your child or yourself, please consult with a registered dietitian.
*If you would like to learn more about your own attitudes and beliefs about food, or strong emotions that arise surrounding food. You can call (616) 348-8550 or click here to schedule a therapy appointment.

You can learn more about Ellyn Satter at https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/
© Copyright 2025 by Ellyn Satter. This material is reproduced with the permission of © Copyright 2025, Ellyn Satter for non-commercial use only.